Roaring Lion

How Do You Manage Anger?

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Cover photo from Pexels.

by Lenna

I have to confess I’m pretty hot-tempered, and I come by it honestly. While my dad was calm when angry, my mom had a fiery temper. I used to literally run and hide from her when she started raging, especially since she had a habit of throwing things. When she was really mad, her aim was deadly accurate!

I take after my mother, except that I don’t throw or punch things. Unfortunately, there are plenty of other anger-induced behaviors that can lead to regret.

I’ve learned the hard way all about letting my temper get the best of me. Some things, once said, can never really be taken back. They leave a filthy residue, even after a sincere apology has been offered and accepted. Who needs that?

So I have some coping strategies I’ve learned over time.

These are strategies from our Prophet ﷺ that have worked the best for me when I’m REALLY MAD!

Change position and make Wudu

I have found this works! If you are sitting when you get mad, stand, and if you’re standing, sit. If that doesn’t work, then make wudu (ritual washing).

Wudu keeps your hands and mind occupied, and you are repeating things which are soothing. By the end, you are almost certainly going to be more calm and level-headed.

Be calm and silent

I find this to be very difficult sometimes. But if I can stop just long enough to make the decision to spend some time being calm and silent, it definitely helps!

If you want to know more about his advice regarding anger management, you can read this.

Expanding on this idea a bit, one thing that REALLY works for me is specific WAITING PERIODS!

If someone puts me in a rage online (that almost never happens, right?), and I want to fire back and maybe even take revenge…set the whole place on fire!!! GRRRR!!!!… I make myself wait before taking any drastic action. Usually for 24 hours.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t necessarily mean I manage to remain completely silent. I wish! 🙂

But it does stop me from full-on rage and drastic steps, like–gasp!–flipping out and deleting my account on the offending forum.

Wait Wait Wait…

If it’s noon when a conflict breaks out, then I have to wait until noon or later the next day before taking any concrete steps. I almost always decide NOT to do whatever I was going to do. I can’t even think of a time where it seemed like a good idea after some cooling off!

But if I’m still iffy after one waiting period, sometimes I’ll defer for another 24 hours, just to be sure. By then I often can’t imagine why I thought of doing such a thing in the first place!

Even if I do still take some action after all that waiting and contemplating, it’s much less drastic and more likely to be constructive rather than destructive.

What are some strategies that work for you?

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Seeker
Guest
Seeker

Hi Lenna. I would like to have a discussion with you, if it would be alright.

Admin
Admin

Hi Seeker, okay, sure.

Admin
Admin

Hmmm…..there has been a troll coming here pretending to be various friends from Disqus, including Fex, Nfaly and Gul. So it’s hard for me to know if it’s really you. Usually I confirm by asking the person on Disqus, but I think you deleted your account.

Since you are NOT on the proxy the troll tends to use, I’m optimistic. Let’s say it really is you….

Salaam Sis…great to see you’ve stopped by. 🙂 Of course you can talk to me anytime. Here or DM on Twitter @LennCat, or email lenncat@protonmail.com.

Seeker
Guest
Seeker

Walaikum asalam. It is indeed me, and not a troll. However I understand if you would like me to confirm myself, for which you can ask me anything you like. I do not use twitter and prefer not to give my email to anyone. So I think it would be ideal to talk here.

Admin
Admin

It’s fine for me if you want to talk here. What’s up?

Seeker
Guest
Seeker

Do you understand urdu?

Admin
Admin

There is no “reply” on the comment where you asked me if I understand Urdu, so I’ll reply here.

Sort of….I can’t speak fluently, but if you write in Urdu, I can usually make out what you’re saying. http://disq.us/p/1pp4pbw What I probably can’t do very well is reply in Urdu. Not beyond something very basic. 🙂

Seeker
Guest
Seeker

Alright. I just thought maybe I could show you some bayanat in urdu that would help. Anyways, you must remeber that I raised the issue of deleting Islamic channels on disqus. That is what I would like to speak about. I dont trust that place anymore. Honestly, you dont know who trust. I saw a post from Nfaly in Urdu and even one from Yusuf, although it seems impossible that either of them knows the language. I remembered you run a blog so it just occured to me that I can contact you here, and that you wont be a… Read more »

Admin
Admin

I’ve seen Nfaly speak Urdu and I was surprised, since he’s in the UK and his parents are from Ghana. How would he be fluent in Urdu? Even if he spoke it, I”d expect it to be more on my level—very basic. But you never know, with people’s various twists and turns in life. As for Yusuf, I’ve seen him say TWICE that he doesn’t know Urdu, once directly (recently) and once indirectly sometime back when he indicated he didn’t know what the word “bhai” means. So I would find it very odd if he suddenly started speaking and writing… Read more »

Seeker
Guest
Seeker

Yes I think the channel is doing more harm than good. Actually the problem is with the Salafi mindset. That is the root of the problem. A salafi is self taught in Islam. They dont sit in the mahfil of ulamaa, they dont have ijazah (certificate) on any part of deen. They read Quran, learn Arabic, read the Sihah Sitta, a few works of Ibn Taymiyya(ra), some from Ibn Qayyim(ra), a lot from the deviant Nasir udin Albani, and end up becoming scholars. Then because they do not have the Adaab of Ilm, they will talk fiqh even with non… Read more »

Admin
Admin

Also, do you have a link to Yusuf’s Urdu comment? Maybe he was quoting someone else?

The reason I’ve been paying such close attention is that I actually thought I recognized him from Twitter! I know someone there, also a blogger, and they are very similar in some ways, except I know the other one is fluent in Urdu.

I may post my Sharia series here first, and if you’d like, you can critique it before I post it to the FRA, insha’Allah. 🙂

Seeker
Guest
Seeker

Actually I dont have the link because Im not on disqus anymore. But Im pretty sure it was his own comment. And sometimes to be honest, I feel a resemblance between him and elcid.

Admin
Admin

Hmmm….there really is a dilemma as far as discussing Islam. On the one hand, it would be better if only true scholars were advising people, but of course this is not how they spend their time. Second best is those who have enough knowledge to at least properly understand and cite scholarly opinion, in a way that is beneficial. Unfortunately we don’t even have a lot of those on disqus. So the option is that we just close our channels and let the loons have an open field. I think that is also a problem. I would rather we have… Read more »

Seeker
Guest
Seeker

Deleting Islamic channels is not giving free space to loons as Muslims defend Islam on the internet. Disqus however is not trustworthy and completely pointless. Fex, I am sorry to say is a Salafi, no matter how many times he claims not to be. Because some of his beliefs are against Ahlus Sunnah, like following Albani, who is considered deviant. As well, Ahlus Sunnah believe it is compulsory for a layman to do taqleed of one of the four schools of thought. Fex is not a muqallid, considers taqleed wrong, neither is he an Aalim. Hence he brings his own… Read more »

Admin
Admin

Sorry…your comments were falling into spam for some reason. When you say Disqus is “not trustworthy,” what do you mean exactly? The visitors on that platform or the platform itself? I have a great fondness for Fex as a brother, as well as respect. I don’t know all the particulars of his method engagement, but I’d rather talk generally about the FRA than make it about him personally. Yes, for a long time I attended latifiya every Sunday, though not so much lately. It’s hosted by a tariqa on the Shadhilli path of tasawwuf. I posted an article from an… Read more »

Seeker
Guest
Seeker

I mean the visitors on disqus. Atleast from my analysis of the place, people tend to develop stalking habits over there. Its full of trolls and stalkers and Islamophobes. And the Muslims there are very few and mostly apologists or uneducated about Islam. I am not against dawah on internet. The nature of disqus is not of dawah, it is of fights. My opinion vs your opinion. And if our opinions dont match, we create sock accounts and stalk each other. This is the nature of that place. I am not making this about Fex. I disagree with the Salafis… Read more »

Admin
Admin

Thank you for finding these videos for me. I’ve watched them, and our scholars actually use similar examples in class. It’s a great way to explain in that setting. I’m not sure how to apply it on Disqus, but at least now I know what you mean. I agree there are a lot of issues with the visitors on the channels (as distinguished from blogs where it’s just a comment plug in). Disqus isn’t rigorous enough with authentication, so people can set up a bunch of sock puppets. If they run wild and stalk and harass people, Disqus generally won’t… Read more »

Seeker
Guest
Seeker

I understand your position on disqus and I will respect it. The only reason I feel so adamant to stop Islamic disussions on FRA is because it was initially my idea to start the channel. So I feel whether I participate or not, I will get sin everytime something wrong happens there. Had I known back then that Fex is a Salafi or that Disqus is such an unreputable place I would have refrained completely. Nfaly was a Salafi, he too was self taught in Islam. And no matter how much he says he is sick of things at home,… Read more »

Admin
Admin

Ah, okay! Now I get it. I think…let’s see. In our classes, if I ask the sisters a question, they will only go so far as to make sure the understand what I’m asking. Once we have a clear question, we go to the scholars. I asked them why and they said if you give someone correct guidance, there’s reward and if it leads to benefit, you share in the reward for that. But if you give them wrong guidance, the opposite may be true. “Maybe” because intentions weigh heavily too and Allah is merciful, but we should be ever… Read more »

Seeker
Guest
Seeker

Yes you are right. That is bothering me. But I did not create the channel, Fex created it. I had no ownership in it. It was started on my suggestion because a fight had broken out that disrupted MNC channel. I am positive now that you have clearly understood my concerns and my position on dawah of Islam. I am also glad that you are in the circle of good people in real life and that they do follow the method of Ahlus Sunnah. A lot of my doubts have been cleared out now. Since you own the channel, I… Read more »

Admin
Admin

By the way, years ago, I would have objected strenuously to the idea we’re in this miss because of our own wrongdoing. I would have said it’s the fault of the imperialists who block us at every turn. But now I see this is true because we’ve abandoned Islam and descended into confusion and chaos. The Western imperial powers can fully exploit us for this reason, even though they themselves are now in steep decline. May Allah guide us all.

Admin
Admin

After this conversation, I’m fully convinced this is you. I’m glad you stopped by.

I woild really like to fully understand your reservations. At this point, I can’t really parse this. I was trying to get your points before when you were on Disqus.

If you have the patience, I’ll do my best and maybe we can agree on something with regard to the FRA. Insha’Allah.

Seeker
Guest
Seeker

Its alright, I will be patient inshallah.

I think my previous comment didnt get through. Did you recieve any?

Seeker
Guest
Seeker

Im not sure if my comment is being posted. It keeps disappearing.

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