How Do You Manage Anger?

by Lenna

I have to confess I’m pretty hot-tempered, and I come by it honestly. While my dad was calm when angry, my mom had a fiery temper. I used to literally run and hide from her when she started raging, especially since she had a habit of throwing things. When she was really mad, her aim was deadly accurate!

I take after my mother, except that I don’t throw or punch things. Unfortunately, there are plenty of other anger-induced behaviors that can lead to regret.

I’ve learned the hard way all about letting my temper get the best of me. Some things, once said, can never really be taken back. They leave a filthy residue, even after a sincere apology has been offered and accepted. Who needs that?

So I have have some coping strategies I’ve learned over time.

These are strategies from our Prophet ﷺ that have worked the best for me when I’m REALLY MAD!

Change position and make Wudu

I have found this works! If you are sitting when you get mad, stand, and if you’re standing, sit. If that doesn’t work, then make wudu (ritual washing).

Wudu keeps your hands and mind occupied, and you are repeating things which are soothing. By the end, you are almost certainly going to be more calm and level-headed.

Be calm and silent

I find this to be very difficult sometimes. But if I can stop just long enough to make the decision to spend some time being calm and silent, it definitely helps!

If you want to know more about his advice regarding anger management, you can read this.

Expanding on this idea a bit, one thing that REALLY works for me is specific WAITING PERIODS!

If someone puts me in a rage online (that almost never happens, right?), and I want to fire back and maybe even take revenge…set the whole place on fire!!! GRRRR!!!! …. I make myself wait before taking any drastic action. Usually for 24 hours.

Unfortunately this doesn’t necessarily mean I manage to remain completely silent. I wish! 🙂

But it does stop me from full-on rage and drastic steps, like–gasp!–flipping out and deleting my account on the offending forum.

Wait Wait Wait….

If it’s noon when a conflict breaks out, then I have to wait until noon or later the next day before taking any concrete steps. I almost always decide NOT to do whatever I was going to do. I can’t even think of a time where it seemed like a good idea after some cooling off!

But if I’m still iffy after one waiting period, sometimes I’ll defer for another 24 hours, just to be sure. By then I often can’t imagine why I thought of doing such a thing in the first place!

Even if I do still take some action after all that waiting and contemplating, it’s much less drastic, and more likely to be constructive rather than destructive.

What are some strategies that work for you?

8 comments

    1. Hmmm…..there has been a troll coming here pretending to be various friends from Disqus, including Fex, Nfaly and Gul. So it’s hard for me to know if it’s really you. Usually I confirm by asking the person on Disqus, but I think you deleted your account.

      Since you are NOT on the proxy the troll tends to use, I’m optimistic. Let’s say it really is you….

      Salaam Sis…great to see you’ve stopped by. 🙂 Of course you can talk to me anytime. Here or DM on Twitter @LennCat, or email lenncat@protonmail.com.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Walaikum asalam. It is indeed me, and not a troll. However I understand if you would like me to confirm myself, for which you can ask me anything you like. I do not use twitter and prefer not to give my email to anyone. So I think it would be ideal to talk here.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. There is no “reply” on the comment where you asked me if I understand Urdu, so I’ll reply here.

      Sort of….I can’t speak fluently, but if you write in Urdu, I can usually make out what you’re saying. http://disq.us/p/1pp4pbw What I probably can’t do very well is reply in Urdu. Not beyond something very basic. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Alright. I just thought maybe I could show you some bayanat in urdu that would help. Anyways, you must remeber that I raised the issue of deleting Islamic channels on disqus. That is what I would like to speak about.
        I dont trust that place anymore. Honestly, you dont know who trust. I saw a post from Nfaly in Urdu and even one from Yusuf, although it seems impossible that either of them knows the language.
        I remembered you run a blog so it just occured to me that I can contact you here, and that you wont be a sock account or a troll because you run a blog. So I decided, I dont know if this is against my better judgement, to try to discuss that issue once again here without fear of disruption.
        And since you now own the FRA, it only makes more sense to speak with you on the matter.
        I would like to discuss some very ignorant roles played by the Muslims on disqus. And I feel that discussing the matter is more important than being silent about it.

        Liked by 1 person

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